AITA for saying i want to divorce my wife over things she did and comments she made while drunk?

Oh boy, do we have a heavy one for you today. The age-old question of whether actions committed under the influence should be held against someone in the cold light of day. But what if those actions, and more specifically, those words, cut so deep that they shatter the very foundation of a marriage? This isn't just about a drunken argument; it's about potentially unforgivable breaches of trust and respect.

Our original poster, u/ThrowawayDrunkWife, brings forward a dilemma that many couples unfortunately face, though rarely with such high stakes. When alcohol becomes a conduit for truths that are too painful to hear, or for behaviors that are utterly unacceptable, where do you draw the line? Is it ever justifiable to end a marriage over moments fueled by drink, or does sobriety offer a clean slate? Let's dive into this emotionally charged story.

"AITA for saying i want to divorce my wife over things she did and comments she made while drunk?"

This story hits on a fundamental question: when does a pattern of behavior, even if fueled by alcohol, become grounds for dissolving a marriage? Our original poster is grappling with the cumulative effect of incidents that started as embarrassing but have now become deeply personal and damaging. The wife's actions, while under the influence, revealed potential underlying resentments and disrespect that are incredibly difficult to ignore.

One perspective is that 'drunk words are sober thoughts.' While alcohol lowers inhibitions, it doesn't necessarily create entirely new feelings. It often amplifies or unearths existing sentiments. If the wife truly believes her husband is 'boring' or that she 'settled,' these are deeply hurtful revelations. Her repeated behavior, despite apologies, suggests a lack of genuine commitment to changing the core issue, which is her relationship with alcohol and its impact on her conduct.

On the other hand, some might argue that the wife genuinely doesn't mean these things and that her apologies are sincere. However, sincerity alone doesn't erase the damage done or excuse a chronic problem. The repeated nature of the incidents, and the wife's apparent inability or unwillingness to address her drinking problem in a meaningful way, signifies a deeper issue than just isolated 'mistakes.'

Ultimately, a marriage is built on trust, respect, and mutual regard. When one partner consistently undermines these pillars, whether consciously or unconsciously, the foundation erodes. The OP's feelings of humiliation, disrespect, and the fear that these 'drunk truths' are her actual feelings are valid. Considering divorce isn't an overreaction; it's a desperate measure when one feels their boundaries are repeatedly violated and their emotional well-being is at stake.

The Verdict Is In: Drunk Words, Sober Consequences?

The comments section for this one was, as expected, a whirlwind of strong opinions. Many empathized deeply with the original poster, reiterating the sentiment that 'drunk words are sober thoughts.' A significant number of users suggested that the wife's repeated behavior, coupled with her defensiveness when confronted, points to a deeper issue with alcohol and a lack of true respect for her husband and their relationship. The consensus among these users leaned heavily towards NTA.

However, there were also voices urging caution, suggesting that divorce is a monumental step and that therapy – both individual for the wife to address her drinking and couples' therapy for the marriage – should be exhausted first. While most agreed the OP's feelings are valid, some wondered if an ultimatum for sobriety and professional help might be a necessary intermediate step before considering divorce. The conversation highlighted the complex nature of addiction and marital strain.

This difficult situation underscores how challenging it is when addiction or habitual destructive behavior impacts a relationship. While the wife's apologies are present, the lack of real change and her subsequent dismissiveness of the OP's pain are glaring. The question of 'AITA' often boils down to whether one is justified in protecting their own well-being. It seems many feel the OP has reached their limit, and while therapy is always a good suggestion, the choice to end a relationship due to repeated hurt and disrespect is ultimately a personal, valid one.