AITA for ghosting my 42-year-old girlfriend when she gained weight around her hips, saying “curves are one thing, but this is excess”?

Welcome back, relationship enthusiasts! Today, we're diving into a thorny issue that touches upon attraction, body image, and the delicate art of communication in partnerships. It's a tale that often sparks heated debate: what happens when physical changes occur in a long-term relationship, and how do we navigate those shifts with kindness and honesty?\nOur OP, a 42-year-old man, brings a controversial scenario to the table. He's asking if he's the a-hole for ending a relationship after his girlfriend gained weight, specifically around her hips. The phrase he used, 'curves are one thing, but this is excess,' is certainly loaded. Let's peel back the layers and see where the community lands on this one.

"AITA for ghosting my 42-year-old girlfriend when she gained weight around her hips, saying "curves are one thing, but this is excess"?"

This situation is a tangled web of personal feelings, relationship expectations, and ethical conduct. On one hand, it’s undeniably true that attraction is a complex and often uncontrollable aspect of human relationships. Nobody can force themselves to be attracted to someone if that spark has faded. To stay in a relationship where physical attraction is absent can lead to resentment and unhappiness for both parties involved.\nHowever, the method of ending the relationship is where the vast majority of people will find issue. Ghosting, particularly after a nearly two-year relationship where discussions of future plans were present, is widely considered a cowardly and deeply hurtful act. It leaves the ghosted party with no closure, often leading to self-doubt, anxiety, and a prolonged period of confusion about what went wrong.\nThe specific reason cited for the lack of attraction—her weight gain, described as 'excess'—adds another layer of complexity. While physical changes are a reality in life, framing it in such a critical and dismissive way, even if only in one's own mind, highlights a potential lack of empathy. Relationships are meant to navigate life’s changes, and while attraction can shift, open and honest communication, however difficult, is almost always the preferred path.\nUltimately, while you are entitled to your feelings of attraction, or lack thereof, your actions in handling the breakup are what are truly under scrutiny here. The perceived kindness of avoiding a difficult conversation often results in far greater pain and emotional damage for the person on the receiving end. This scenario poses a significant question about whether personal comfort outweighs another's need for respectful closure.

The Verdict Is In: Brutal Honesty vs. Cowardly Avoidance

The comments section for this story was, predictably, a battleground. There was a strong consensus against the OP's method of ghosting, with many users condemning it as cruel and disrespectful, especially after two years. The general sentiment leaned heavily towards 'YTA' for the *way* the relationship ended, rather than for the initial feelings of decreased attraction.\nMany comments highlighted that while attraction is personal, communication is paramount in a committed relationship. Users argued that Sarah deserved a conversation, no matter how uncomfortable, to understand why the relationship was ending. The term 'excess' also drew significant criticism, with many pointing out the objectification and judgment implied by such a thought, even if not directly spoken.

This story serves as a stark reminder that while personal feelings and attractions are valid, the way we communicate and act in relationships carries significant weight. Ghosting, regardless of the underlying reasons, often inflicts more pain than a difficult but honest conversation ever would. It strips the other person of dignity and closure, leaving emotional wounds that can take a long time to heal. Let's remember to approach our relationships, even their endings, with the respect and empathy everyone deserves, striving for communication over cowardly avoidance.