AITA for not attending my father’s memorial after he told everyone I cut ties with him — when he blocked me first?
Oh, family drama. It's the bread and butter of AITA, but when it's mixed with the raw, potent emotion of death, things get incredibly complicated. Today, we're diving into a story that peels back the layers of a deeply fractured parent-child relationship, where the lines of blame and responsibility have been blurred by years of manipulation and misunderstanding. Get ready, because this one hits hard.
Our Original Poster (OP) is grappling with a situation many can unfortunately relate to: the passing of a parent with whom they had a tumultuous, estranged relationship. But this isn't just a simple case of 'we drifted apart.' No, this story involves a deliberate act of emotional sabotage from beyond the grave, and the OP is left to navigate the societal expectations of mourning against a backdrop of deep personal betrayal. Let's unpack it.
"AITA for not attending my father’s memorial after he told everyone I cut ties with him — when he blocked me first?"
This is truly a heartbreaking situation, one that perfectly illustrates the complex intersection of grief, family dynamics, and emotional manipulation. On one hand, society often dictates a certain protocol when a parent passes away, expecting attendance at memorials as a sign of respect and closure. However, the OP's narrative paints a picture of a relationship irrevocably broken, not by choice from their end, but by the father's deliberate act of cutting ties and then rewriting history to cast blame.
The father's actions of blocking the OP and then fabricating a story about being abandoned are key here. This wasn't a mutual estrangement; it was a unilateral decision followed by a campaign of character assassination. Such behavior constitutes emotional abuse and deeply impacts a person's sense of self and their place within the family unit. To then expect the OP to show up and perform grief for someone who caused such profound pain and public humiliation is a significant ask, bordering on cruel.
From the family's perspective, they've been fed a specific narrative for years. It's understandable, though not excusable, that they would internalize this version of events and view the OP as the perpetrator. Their pressure on the OP to attend the memorial likely stems from a combination of their own grief, a desire for family unity (however superficial), and perhaps a reluctance to challenge the deceased's narrative, even posthumously. They are grieving the father they knew, or thought they knew.
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to attend a memorial for an estranged, manipulative parent rests entirely with the individual. There is no moral obligation to honor someone who actively harmed you, especially when that harm continued through deceit. The OP's peace and emotional well-being should take precedence over societal expectations or the demands of a family who largely believed a damaging lie. It's about self-preservation, not a 'grudge.'
The Internet Weighs In: Can You Forgive a Lie in Death?
The comments section on this post was, as expected, a tidal wave of NTA verdicts. Readers overwhelmingly sympathized with the Original Poster, pointing out the deeply manipulative nature of the father's actions. Many users emphasized that the father created his own isolation by blocking his child and then compounding the hurt with a false narrative. The consensus was clear: you don't owe respect or attendance to someone who actively caused you such profound emotional distress.
Several comments highlighted the concept of performing grief for an audience, suggesting that attending the memorial would have been a further betrayal of the OP's own feelings and experiences. The idea that "death doesn't erase the past" resonated strongly, with users arguing that the father's deceit shouldn't be overlooked just because he's no longer alive. The emotional toll of such a history makes true grieving impossible in a public, family setting.
In conclusion, OP is overwhelmingly NTA. The complexities of family relationships, especially when marred by manipulation and deceit, do not disappear with death. The expectation to perform grief for someone who caused significant emotional harm is unfair and ultimately detrimental to one's own healing. Your peace, your truth, and your emotional well-being are paramount. You have every right to protect yourself from further pain, regardless of societal pressure or family judgment. Grief is personal, and you get to decide how and when you process it.
