Me (45F) with my daughters (17F&16F). I like one more than the other and I’m having trouble not showing favouritism

Oh, parental favoritism. It's the unspoken secret many parents grapple with, often feeling immense guilt about something that can feel innate, yet is universally frowned upon. Today's story dives headfirst into this incredibly sensitive topic, brought to us by a mother who is bravely admitting her struggle to treat her two teenage daughters equally, despite a clear preference for one.\nIt's a confessional that will undoubtedly stir strong emotions and ignite a heated debate. Is it ever okay to have a favorite child, even if you try to hide it? What impact does this have on the children involved, and on the parent themselves? Let's unpack this difficult situation and see where the court of public opinion lands on this mother's dilemma.

"Me (45F) with my daughters (17F&16F). I like one more than the other and I'm having trouble not showing favouritism"

Parental favoritism is a profoundly uncomfortable topic because it flies in the face of the ideal that parents should love and treat all their children equally. While many parents will privately admit to a stronger bond with one child over another, openly acknowledging it, let alone struggling to conceal it, brings forth a torrent of judgment. The AITA poster's honesty is both commendable and heartbreaking, highlighting the immense pressure parents face to maintain an impartial front, even when their feelings might naturally gravitate differently.\nIt's crucial to understand that a preference doesn't negate love for the other child. Personalities, shared interests, and life stages can all influence how a parent connects with each child. The challenge arises when these preferences become visible, either subtly through actions or overtly through words, leading to significant emotional damage for the child who perceives themselves as less favored. Emily's note is a stark, painful indicator of the very real consequences of perceived favoritism, regardless of the mother's intentions.\nFor the 'less favored' child, the impact can be devastating, fostering feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and a lifelong struggle with self-worth. They may internalize the belief that they are inherently 'less' or 'harder to love,' which can manifest in various ways, from acting out to withdrawing entirely. The favored child, too, can suffer from the pressure of always being 'the good one' or carrying the weight of the other's unhappiness, potentially developing their own guilt or an inflated sense of self.\nThis situation isn't about blaming the mother for her feelings, which are often subconscious and complex. Instead, it's about acknowledging the profound responsibility parents have to manage those feelings and, more importantly, their expressions. The core issue isn't having a favorite, but the inability to prevent that preference from harming a child. This story forces us to confront the uncomfortable reality that while love may be infinite, its expression can be uneven, and the emotional toll on all involved can be substantial.

The Internet Weighs In: Can You Really Be A Good Parent With A Favorite Child?

The comments section for this post is a minefield, as expected! Many users are quick to label the OP as YTA, emphasizing the severe emotional damage that favoritism inflicts on children. They point to Emily's heartbreaking note as undeniable proof that the mother's efforts to hide her preference have failed, and that the impact is already deeply felt. There's a strong consensus that regardless of personal feelings, a parent's actions must always prioritize the emotional well-being of *all* their children.\nHowever, there's also a smaller, but vocal, contingent arguing that while the situation is tragic, simply *having* a favorite isn't inherently an AITA offense, especially if the parent is genuinely trying. They acknowledge the difficulty of suppressing natural inclinations but stress that the mother needs to take immediate, tangible steps to rectify the situation with Emily. Many are offering advice on how to build a stronger connection with Emily and show her unambiguous love.

This AITA post serves as a powerful, albeit painful, reminder of the delicate balance in parenting. While feelings of connection might naturally vary, the imperative to ensure every child feels equally loved, valued, and seen remains paramount. The fallout from perceived favoritism can have deep, lasting effects. This mother's honesty opens a crucial dialogue, prompting us all to reflect on how we show up for every individual in our lives, especially those most vulnerable to our affections. It's a challenging journey, but one worth every ounce of conscious effort.